editors note: these stories are true and really happened the way I am describing. The only changes are the names, locations and background of the main participants, in order to protect the innocent and to keep from getting sued for slander. The premise is also filled with certain inaccuracies, but the day-to-day stories are factual.

I don't work Fridays, Saturdays or Sundays. Part of being on government disability is that I'm only allowed to earn a certain amount of money above what the government pays. At first, I felt like a drag on society - how dare I expect other taxpayers to support me? But soon, I realized that the money (if not all of it, certainly a large amount) was really just what I put into the system for all the years I did work full-time. The reason we pay a social security tax is for the benefit of the elderly and disabled, right?

Therefore, I'm stuck at working up to 30 hours a week.

So when I arrived at the diner on that particular Monday, Diane had been in charge for 3 days. So far, it appeared, the place had not suffered for it (yet). A few minutes after I arrived, Diane came in and immediately went to balance the books from the night before and set the registers for the day. Unless there was some sort of emergency, that was her only responsibility aside from her waitress duties.

At our diner, the wait staff has a few responsibilities when they arrive. They must make sure the tables are all set, the menus are all clean and presentable, the silverware has been cleaned and they have enough supplies for their jobs. From 9 am (when we open) until 11, we only need two of the wait staff. From 11-3, we have 5 (or 6, if we are expecting a large party), from 3-5, we are back at two people and then 5 or 6 for dinner and close.

Since Diane is in charge, she must be in the early shift at 8 (to open at 9). Of course, given her extra assignment (which takes about 15 minutes maximum), when 9 am came around, Diane was ill-prepared for the day to begin. Certainly, someone who cares about their job and the other employees would see to it that they allot themselves enough time to do their job - regardless of their additional responsibilities. But of course, that isn't Diane.

But she was in luck. Mondays are generally the slowest mornings of the week and heavy rains kept the crowd away. This allowed Alan (the other male waiter, who is 21 and in college) to cover for her.

No sooner did I think it would be a quiet, easy day that the ceiling about the front register began to leak. It wasn't the first time this happened and it always occurs when the rain is really heavy. Of course, Diane freaked out. Actually, she froze. Alan came over to tell her about it and she walked over to it and...froze. It was if she was not comprehending. So I went into the kitchen, grabbed a bucket and placed it were the leak was dripping. It wasn't that bad, but it was annoying.

The morning progressed and the rains did not let up. Suddenly, at around 11:30, it began to feel very warm and stuffy in the diner. None of the customers noticed anything, but those of us in the front sure did. I checked the thermostat and it was showing its normal 68 degrees. But still, we in the front started to sweat. After about 30 minutes, one of the Mexicans came out and said that it was oppressively hot in the kitchens. While it is normally warmer in the kitchens than in the front, there was a marked difference. Plus, it seemed much more smoky than normal. Something was wrong.

After a few minutes, we discovered the problem. One of the three main exhaust fans stopped blowing. So Danny, who was working counter with me, went out and told Diane the news. Her response was "what the f*ck do you want ME to do about it?" Danny answered "aren't you in charge?" To that, Diane retorted "fiiiine." So she walked back into the kitchen and asked one of the Mexicans what was wrong.

Two minutes later, I heard loud yelling coming from the kitchen were Diane and Marco - the head chef - going at it. Apparently, Diane told Marco to send one of his guys up to the roof, where the fan controls are, to see what was wrong. Well, for one thing, it isn't there job and for another, being in charge or not, none of the guys in the back will ever lift a finger to help Diane. Aside from her horrible treatment of me, she royally pissed them off about six months ago when she called Cesar (one of the Mexicans) a "f*cking wetback."

When I tried to break it up, Diane hissed at me,, "what the f*ck are you doing back here. Don't you have something to do, or are you going to be crippled all day long!"

With that, I walked away and let the Mexicans deal with her.

But the problem wasn't going to solve itself and after another another 30 minutes, Danny asked her what was going on with the fan. Diane turned to him and said, "how should I know?" So, being the senior employee with the most experience, I chimed in and said to her, "why don't you call Jack and ask him what to do. To that, Diane spat, "why don't you?" I responded that SHE was in charge and it was HER job.

30 minutes and a lot of sweat later, I called Jack and told him the problem. He immediately called the service company and they said they can not come out for at least three days. So Marco brought out an old oscillating fan and we suffered in the heat.

On Tuesday, we had another problem. When Michelle went into the back to retrieve napkins, she spotted a rather large rodent. She wasn't sure it it was a mouse or a rat, but she knew it scared the crap out of her.

The diner has been very lucky over the years that we have never really had a rodent or bug problem. When we do gets insects, it's usually right after a heavy rain. But rodents have not been an issue. The only way they can get in is if there is a hole somewhere. Since I learned my lesson about asking Diane what she wants done, I immediately called our regular exterminator and told him to get someone out there right away.

About an hour later, the exterminator showed up and did his work However, Diane was furious. How dare I call and not clear it with her first? Well, I explained, I didn't think a mouse was something she wanted to deal with, considering how busy (cough, cough) she was. But as soon as I said it, she got right on the phone with Jack demanding I be fired for insubordination.

It took me at least 10 minutes to stop laughing at her. But that only made her more angry. A few minutes later, I saw her sitting in the front lobby with her arms folded. When Michelle asked her why she wasn't working her tables, she retorted, "Since S (me) things I don't do anything here, I'm not going to do anything at all!"

Ok, I know what your thinking. I must have commented on her inability to do her responsibilities. But I assure you, I never said anything of the sort. What I did say (when she was calling Jack) was that I took it upon myself to call the exterminator because she was obviously so busy. Granted, I said "obviously" pretty sarcastically, but still.

Ah, just another day in paradise...